The Power of Legacy: Stories from the Eppig Mausoleum
This morning, I saw that my article, “A December Gathering,” is now the most-read piece on Kates-Boylston’s (the parent company of ‘American Cemetery & Cremation’ magazine) website. I was surprised at first, but upon reflection, it makes sense. Writing about the Eppig mausoleum at St. John Cemetery was one of those rare times when my…
The Importance of Accurate Representation in Funeral Service
In funeral service, we live with the reality that our work is misunderstood. Misinformation circulates easily, and unfortunately, even our own national organization sometimes adds to the confusion. Recently, a member service representative sent out a message that included this laughable line: “Much like nurses, you’re often on call and navigating long days that rarely…
When Newsletters Miss the Mark: A Funeral Director’s Perspective
Every week, our state association, the NYSFDA, sends out a newsletter intended to inform and support funeral directors. In theory, this should be a valuable resource—something that keeps us connected, updated, and empowered in our work. In practice, however, the content often feels misaligned with the realities of our profession. This week’s edition was no…
Understanding Mourning Colors Across Cultures
Mourning clothes are more than fabric. They are a way to show emotion, grief, and respect. Throughout history and across cultures, the colors people wear during loss have held deep meanings. These colors can show sorrow, honor, change, and spiritual beliefs. Each color tells the story of both the person who has died and the…
Heels in the Embalming Room: Breaking Stereotypes in Deathcare
Recently, while taping a podcast, the host asked us how we dress as funeral directors and whether what we wear has ever been an issue for us. That got us to thinking. Sure, we wear a lot of black, but there are the heels. Most people don’t imagine stilettos in the embalming room, or expect…
Redefining Influence in Funeral Service
There was a time when being a funeral director carried a quiet reverence. We served as stewards of grief and guardians of legacy. Now, when asked what we do, we hesitate—not out of shame, but because public perception is changing, and not always for the better. What troubles us most is seeing social media posts…
Celebrating National Book Month: Why ‘Let’s Call Her Barbie’ Matters
In August, I wrote a National Book Lovers Day post for my personal website about a favorite new book—’Let’s Call Her Barbie’. So, when American Funeral Director magazine asked me to share a top new book for National Book Month, my answer was easy. Barbie was more than a doll; she was, and remains, a…
Choosing Meaningful Outfits for Funerals
“My mother’s signature color was emerald green. She said it both honored her Irish heritage and made her feel like royalty,” the daughter of the deceased told me a few days ago. At the arrangement conference, when she handed me a silk wrap dress –one of her mother’s favorites–in that color, I knew exactly what…
Famous Retail Founders Buried in NYC Cemeteries
There’s a reason why New York City is one of the world’s shopping capitals – so many of America’s best-known shopping destinations got their start there. Stores like Bloomingdale’s, Tiffany’s, and F.A.O. Schwarz are all synonymous with high-end shopping, and the final resting places of their founders can be found in some of the city’s…
Demystifying Death
In recent years, there’s been a troubling trend where some new –and some not so new– to funeral service industry seem to be turning the somber responsibilities of their profession into a spectacle for entertainment and social media clicks. It’s baffling to see how the serious nature of death and mourning can be reduced to…
Memorable Gala Dinner Celebrates Richard J. Moylan’s Legacy
The gala dinner we attended at Green-Wood Cemetery on Wednesday night was a truly memorable event that celebrated the exceptional tenure of outgoing president Richard J. Moylan. As attendees arrived at 6:00 P.M. for the opening cocktail hour, they greeted one another amidst the beautiful surroundings. The atmosphere was alive with a sense of both…
How Funeral Service Helped Shape a Writer’s Voice
I recently had the opportunity to speak with Tony Russo, the esteemed editor of Kates-Boylston’s Funeral Service Insider, about blending my career as a funeral director with my passion for writing. During our conversation, we explored how the unique experiences I encounter in funeral service provide so much insightful material for storytelling, offering a deeper…
Understanding Green Burials: Myths and Real Costs
Colleagues of ours, with years of experience in the funeral industry, were recently approached for their first green burial request. When they received the inquiry, the first question posed was somewhat surprising – Can you handle such a request? The assumption here was that a green burial might be outside the realm of traditional funeral…
Repackaging Funeral Traditions with Trendy Alternatives
These days, traditional media and social media are filled with accounts of funeral trends, one more outlandish than the next. You can turn your loved one’s cremated remains into a diamond ring or a painting, shoot them into space, or incorporate a portion of the cremains into ink for a tattoo. Instead of a burial,…
Exploring Friendship and Careers: An Interview with StoryCorps
Our interview with StoryCorps launched today and is also being aired on NPR. It was truly enjoyable to share stories, reminisce about our careers, and discuss our friendship with listeners. These moments of reflection not only highlight our personal journeys but also underscore the importance of the connection we’ve built over the years. During the…
Heartwarming Farewell: Horse and Carriage Funeral
I recently served a family at my funeral home, Jurek-Park Slope, who rented a horse and carriage for their mother’s funeral. It was the first time in all my years in business that one of my families requested this special touch. The woman’s daughter told me that her mom had always wanted this unique tribute,…
Understanding Poor Information Choices in State Associations
This week, an Ohio funeral director made the news for all the wrong reasons. He plans to obtain a liquor license so that he may serve mourners in the funeral home. He said he wants to be able to “provide guests with a livelier vibe if that’s the way they want to celebrate their loved…
The Spritz Cookie Recipe
The pink granite monument of Naomi Miller-Dawson in Brooklyn’s Green-Wood Cemetery is topped by what appears to be an open cookbook. There, etched across two stone pages, is her prized recipe for Spritz cookies, preserved for future generations.
Dressing as a Female Funeral Director: Finding Style
Images of colorful outfits, vibrant patterns, and trendy accessories come to mind when most people think of fashion. However, fashion tells a different story for those of us in funeral service. The attire of a female funeral director often revolves around black suits and white blouses, embodying both professionalism and respect for the families we…
Why Funerals Matter
Loss is a profound human experience that can never be fully comprehended until it is felt firsthand. Having navigated the turbulent waters of grief ourselves, we understand that funerals hold a unique significance in the lives of those left behind. They serve not merely as rituals or expenses but as important cultural and emotional events…
Halloween Season Begins
The Halloween season has officially arrived, bringing with it the crisp air of autumn. And as it does every year, the quaint town of Tarrytown, nestled in the heart of Westchester County, New York, transforms into a spooky wonderland of Halloween attractions. Known for its rich history, Tarrytown has a connection to the legend of…
Debunking 10 Common Myths About Embalming
“Embalming is an ancient process involving the removal of blood from a body and replacing it with embalming fluid. This method preserves the body for open-casket visitations and helps families bid farewell to their loved ones. It also slows decomposition and enhances the deceased’s natural appearance during the funeral. Typically performed by licensed funeral directors/embalmers,…
Insights from a Life in Funeral Service: Five Lessons Learned Along the Way
With over four decades of experience as funeral directors, we have gained invaluable insights from the bereaved families we have had the honor to serve. These experiences have underscored the significance of funerals: the importance of attentive listening, the profound impact of rituals, and a deep respect for diverse mourning customs. We share these lessons…
Misconceptions About Funeral Services: Cremation, Green Burials, and More in New York State
Some ads and a few funeral directors might lead you to think otherwise, but funeral directors do not specialize in any specific service. We handle everything—whether it’s burial, cremation, entombment, or green burial. Just this week, a colleague of ours got a call from a family who’d been referred to him. They were considering a…
The Myth of Running Out of Cemetery Space
One of the prevailing myths is that we, as a country, are running out of cemetery space. While some of the cemeteries that were established in the 19th century may be short of space (although there are still graves available), that is definitely not the case on Long Island. I was happy to be able…
Human Composting is a No-Go in New York
In recent years, there has been a growing movement towards alternative methods of burial and funeral practices, with one of the most controversial being human composting. This alternative method of disposition, which involves converting human remains into soil, has generally been met with controversy and opposition. Proponents argue that it is an environmentally friendly and…
The Dangers of Information Overload: The Impact on Funeral Service
Funeral service is a sacred and dignified profession, largely characterized by confidentiality due to its delicate nature. As with many fields, there exists a necessary behind-the-scenes component to our work. Nevertheless, there seems to be an increase in information being posted on social media accounts under the guise of “transparency”. Such posts are predominantly driven…
Debunking Misleading Articles About Women in Funeral Service
The notion of “young girls breaking into funeral service” being a novelty is outdated. Currently, half of mortuary school graduates are female, rendering such stories irrelevant. We don’t find it surprising to encounter female professionals in other fields, so there’s no need to perpetuate such old-fashioned ideas when discussing funeral service.
12 Things No One Tells You About Being a Funeral Director
Much to my surprise, an article I wrote for BuzzFeed has –so far– garnered 25.4K views in five days. You can read the article on their site (with their title change): I’m A Funeral Director And These Are The 12 Parts Of The Job I Can Honestly Say Nothing Prepares You For
The Art of Personalizing Funerals: Creating a Meaningful Goodbye
Funeral services have long been seen as traditional and standardized. However, in recent years, personalization is becoming increasingly important for many people. This trend highlights the desire for a more intimate and meaningful farewell, one that captures the essence of the person and celebrates the person’s life. The trend is driven, in part, by the…
No Funeral for the Funeral Director? That Can’t Be Right!
Last month, on a cold February morning, I attended the funeral Mass of a colleague. As I sat in a pew, listening to the priest’s homily, in which he referenced the deceased’s work for the community, my thoughts turned to another colleague – and friend – we lost a month earlier. Andrea was a legend…
Another Well-Known Public Figure With No Public Funeral
When Barbara Walters died on December 30, 2022, at the age of 93, the world took notice. Although she had not had a public presence in some time, the death of the legendary broadcast journalist saddened people around the world. The decision to have no public funeral for Barbara Walters shortchanged so many who wanted…
The Sad Reality: Human Composting is Now Legal in New York
It’s a sad day when legislation passes that allows for the composting of humans. It shows a lack of respect for values and traditions, and makes a mockery of the sanctity of life. This is not something that the average person wants. It’s just so much hype. We seriously doubt this will ever take off…
Thriving As A Woman In a Male-Dominated Industry
Funeral service is no longer a male-dominated industry. In fact, across the country, females outnumber males in mortuary schools. It was not always like that. In our latest interview, we tell what it was like when we began our careers in funeral service, and how we chose to work in harmony with our male colleagues.
Because That’s the Way We’ve Always Done It
Yesterday, I was chatting with a colleague I had not seen in some time. She comes from a long line of funeral directors, one of which was her grandmother, and was married to a popular funeral director for many years until his death. She’s a busy funeral director, and rarely uses social media. But she…
Are You Thinking of Hiring a Funeral Photographer?
Today, photographing the dead is making a comeback. But this time it’s not only the deceased who are being photographed – it’s the entire funeral service. Candid shots of the somber rituals, loved ones embracing, mourners comforting one another, are all captured with empathy, and discretion by professional photographers. Duane Knight is one of the…
Elaine & Jimmy: A Tale of Two Restaurateurs
During a recent conversation about iconic New York City restaurants, I mentioned Elaine’s. “Elaine’s? Never heard of it,” someone said. “Never heard of Elaine’s!?” I asked in surprise about the restaurant which had been featured prominently in the opening scene of Woody Allen’s film Manhattan. But maybe I should not have been so surprised. Soon after the death…
What Happens To Cremated Remains Thereafter?
When a New York funeral home closed its door a few years ago, it found itself in the midst of a moral dilemma it had never bargained for. There, on its shelves, were more than 275 boxes of cremains never picked up by the families of the deceased. Some dated back 100 years. Legally, it…
What You Need To Know When Considering a Home Funeral
In 1911, when newspaper publisher and journalist Joseph Pulitzer died, he was waked in the library of his Manhattan home. The room was filled with floral tributes and the furniture arranged for the assembly of mourners. Throughout the morning, family, friends, and employees came to pay their respects to the journalistic icon who reposed in…
DOA -RIP
Web and social media sites of young, and not so young, funeral directors hawk all sorts of merchandise. Some of it is educational, and the Morte Girls applaud that. But other items are silly or downright offensive.
NYSFDA, Spare Us the TikTok eClips
Lately, the weekly eClips, sent by the NYSFDA, have contained more and more links to embarrassing articles by so-called viral sensations on TiKTok. The most recent article, about a mortuary student who “has lifted the lid” (this expression is gag-inducing) about repairing “injuries on deceased people” with clay (which is not used in actual practice)…
A “Contemporary” Funeral Home
We’ve noticed, recently, several funeral homes billing themselves as “modern” or “contemporary.” They claim to have a new way of doing things; that they are bringing a new awareness to death and making it less sad. Really!? Light and airy reposing rooms will not change the abject sorrow felt by a family whose daughter has…
Remember These 8 Useful Tips After a Loved One Dies
After a loved one dies and the funeral is over, you may think the worst is at an end. Then come the many practical matters: settling the estate, filing for life insurance benefits, transferring deeds and titles, and the often dreaded, and sometimes lengthy, task of sorting through a loved one’s personal possessions. Sometimes this…
Sure, Let’s Dumb it Down Some More
Last spring, the New York State Funeral Directors Association sent licensed NY State funeral directors a survey about creating a new –and unlicensed –position: funeral director’s assistant. When the survey responses were tallied, the results showed a majority against creating such a position. Seemingly, that was not the desired result. So, we were all asked…
How We Remember
I was honored to be asked to contribute an essay to NFDA’s ‘Director’ magazine in observance of the somber 20th anniversary of the terrorist attacks. I chose to write about a few of the many 9/11 memorials to be found in cemeteries around the country. One of my favorites is in the Cemetery of the…
We Compost Trash, Not Our Mothers
“I visited Auschwitz a couple times. Always the guards will tell you, people ask, what happened to the remains? Well, you know what happened? The farmers came from around and used it as a fertilizer,” said Bishop DiMarizio in an interview.
A Dying Business
One upon a time, a young woman walked into a funeral home in Queens, New York. She needed an after-school job to earn some money, while she worked her way through college, and the funeral home was hiring. She had dreams of one day becoming a great writer. Well, if not a great one, at…
Let’s Be Truthful
Another potential hurdle in the job market is the proposed change in New York State’s licensing regulations. The state is considering allowing non-licensed individuals to handle removals. We, as experienced professionals, view this as a significant mistake. Allowing unlicensed individuals to perform tasks that require a license undermines the professionalism of our industry. Moreover, it…
Our Latest Interview
In our recent interview with Authority Magazine, we reiterate the importance of funeral service & how we continue to uphold cherished traditions. Clearly, the Covid pandemic underscored (in a major way) what any funeral director can tell you: #funeralsmatter.
Keep the Conversation Going Q & A with Salvatore Stratis and Jeffrey Gaines of Abigal Inc.
It was informative, and fun, to sit down with Sal & Jeff from Abigal Press for an interview about the printing company that has done exemplary work for funeral homes since 1936. The friends, and business partners had a lot to say about the work they’ve done, their unique view of history, and what they…
Moonrise at Green-Wood Cemetery: A Night to Remember
Last night, the Morte Girls attended Moonrise, a most unique event at Green-Wood Cemetery. It was a two mile stroll through the grounds, after dark, on a perfect fall evening . Along the way, we encountered performance artists stationed in and around some of Green-Wood’s many notable mausoleums and monuments. Food stations, too, were available.Our…
Pinelawn Memorial Park: The Cemetery That Forgot Compassion
For most people, a cemetery is a place of solemnity, ritual, and closure. For me—and for too many families I’ve served—it has also become a place of dread. My own family endured appalling treatment at my mother’s funeral in 2015, and again at the funerals of my uncle in 2017 and my aunt in 2019.…
Post Pandemic Funeral Service – Can We Find Some Normalcy?
As the winter of 2020 turned to spring, the death toll from Covid-19 seemed insurmountable. For funeral directors, it was the darkest and most challenging time we’ve ever faced. In an industry built on personal contact and a deep sense of tradition, we could count on neither. “The idea of not being able to do…
I Want to Watch
An essential component of our role as funeral directors is to maintain the sanctity of our work and protect the privacy of those in our care. Something that continues to trouble me is the prurient interest some have in the most private part of funeral service. “I want to watch. Can I?” It is an…
Unsung Heroes
In July’s issue, American Funeral Director pays tribute to COVID-19 heroes.When I was asked to contribute, I thought of the countless funeral directors who fit that description (and how it would take untold issues to mention them all). I decided to profile Tom Boland (many funeral directors in NY know him), who not only went…
God Winks
As deaths from the pandemic have, mercifully, subsided, cemeteries have relaxed a number of their restrictions. One that has yet to do so was the cemetery I was at this morning. The gates are still locked, and to enter one must be a funeral director there to facilitate an interment. No visitors are allowed. As…
A Funeral Home Director’s View of the Pandemic
A Funeral Home Director’s View of the Pandemic In this article I wrote for Next Avenue, three seasoned, and respected, NYC funeral directors shared their thoughts and experiences with me. They were hard to hear, and even harder to write about, but such is the reality in these dark days. Funeral directors are doing all…
RIP Dr. Jacquie Taylor
We were saddened to learn about the recent passing of Dr. Jacquie Taylor. Funeral service lost an excellent champion in her. An educator, who was also licensed as a funeral director, Dr. Taylor truly “walked the walk and talked the talk” unlike so many others today. In 2013, I attended a continuing education seminar Dr.…
Fashion to Die For: How to Choose Your Last Outfit or Burial Gown
Have you ever uttered the words, “I wouldn’t be caught dead in that outfit!?” Well, you just might be – literally speaking – if you leave it to your family to decide what you’ll wear when the time comes for you to make your final public appearance. Now is the time to consider your final…
How to Write Condolence Notes: 8 Tips That Might Come In Handy
I recently poured out my heart to a colleague about my guilt at two condolence notes left unwritten. One note was intended for a colleague whose sister had died, though I’d heard about the death long after the funeral had taken place. The sisters had shared a close bond that I hoped to capture in…
Manhattan DA Robert Morgenthau Funeral Service at Temple Emanu-El
Attended the funeral service for Manhattan DA Robert Morgenthau at Temple Emanu-El today. New York City’s longest serving District Attorney would have turned 100 on July 31st. He is buried in Mt. Pleasant Cemetery.
Five Things
Five Things I’ve learned in my long career as a funeral director I was pleased to share my view of funeral service with Life. Death. Whatever., gleaned from the work I’ve done, the experiences of my colleagues, and the perspective of the thousands of families I’ve served over the years. Despite what you may read…
The Morte Girls 