Recently, while taping a podcast, the host asked us how we dress as funeral directors and whether what we wear has ever been an issue for us. That got us to thinking. Sure, we wear a lot of black, but there are the heels.
Most people don’t imagine stilettos in the embalming room, or expect a funeral director to wear a silk blouse under her apron or put on lipstick before meeting a grieving family. For years, we’ve walked the floors of funeral homes in heels, not to impress anyone, but to reclaim our space and show that care work, even in death, can be done with strength, grace, and self-expression.
Dressing for the Dead—and the Living
Deathcare teaches us to be invisible: neutral tones, sensible shoes, quiet presence. But grief is not beige; it’s vivid and deeply personal. Why strip those who serve it of their humanity?
Our wardrobe is part of our ritual. A tailored black suit feels like armor. A vintage cameo reminds us of legacy. A bold lip signals that “I am here, fully present, and ready to hold space.” These choices aren’t about vanity; they are about reverence. Just as mourners dress with intention, so do we. Style becomes a language of care.
The Feminine Face of Deathcare
Historically, women cared for the dead by shrouding, washing, and mourning. As funeral service evolved, it shifted to a more masculine field, with the image of a stoic male mortician in a boxy suit. Today, women are reclaiming the role and reshaping it in their own way.
We often get surprised reactions. People raise their eyebrows or say, “You don’t look like a funeral director.” We always ask, “What does one look like?” If dignity, empathy, and emotional intelligence matter most, then heels are not a contradiction. They are a crown.
Glamour Meets Grief
There’s quiet power in serving while styled. Families tell us our polished, composed presence makes them feel safe. We remind them that death doesn’t erase beauty. Mourning can meet grace.
Fashion in deathcare isn’t frivolous. It’s radical. It says: I honor this moment, I honor you, I honor myself.
Reimagining the Role
Let’s expand the narrative. Funeral directors aren’t shadowy figures. We’re stewards of memory, architects of goodbye, and stylists of legacy.
Yes, we wear heels in the embalming room. It’s not to prove anything, but to preserve dignity for the dead, offer comfort to the living, and show that beauty belongs everywhere, even here.
The Morte Girls 